i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
True strength comes from lack of pants
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize