I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So drunk its hurt
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
