I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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