i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
