you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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