You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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