Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
