I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
