...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
