Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
