Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
