Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
