When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
