yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
