Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I could make wine with my vomit
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
