I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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