Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm really busy with my period
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