If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
