You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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