..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
