if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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