Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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