I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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