I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.