just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just googled if crying burns calories
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.