Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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