just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
