Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
