if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
