It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
