she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
