the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
