also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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