his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
His nipple licking is glorious
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