After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
