he puts the penis in happiness.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
