I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
