Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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