I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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