WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
