WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
