I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
