I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
