I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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