just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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