how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
