There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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