I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
