I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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