he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
