My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
