I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I believe in your delicious
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
