I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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