he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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