But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
