my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize