So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
