ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
