a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
