you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
