i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
