if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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