Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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