3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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