I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just high enough for therapy.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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