TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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