So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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