You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
