normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
